Let 's just say I had everything lined up perfectly in my mind well before I even found out I was pregnant. Inspired by the Birth Without Fear Blog in knew that my body was designed to have a baby and that I would do it naturally in a birthing pool with Nick, My Mom, a Midwife and a wonderful Doula present in a Birthing Center with calming music and dim lighting. That was the plan anyway.
In June 2012 I felt off, I was emotional and we were moving and all I did was cry and my body was literally exhausted. I thought that's what a move does, makes you tired. Then I thought about it, I was late. Only a couple days late but I thought I'll test to be sure. I took three, including the one that says Pregnant or not Pregnant. All of them were positive. I was overjoyed and Nick was concerned. Well, because we weren't in the best financial shape. We knew God would get us through though. We told family and a couple coworkers. I had only just missed my period so the big announcement was weeks away. I did however set up my Birth Photographer and my good friend was going to take announcement photos for us. That weekend however, I had awful cramping and heavy spotting so I went to the walk in clinic. The Nurse Practitioner did labs and delivered the most awful news I thought I could ever hear. I was miscarrying. I went home and cried in Nicks arms. Our baby was in Gods loving arms.
After that, we decided to wait.
God had other plans...
On October 18th, 2012 my friend and coworker came up to me at work and told me excitedly that she was pregnant. I was thrilled for her and hugged her and told her so. She told me I had to do a test. I told her that we had stopped trying. Nick had started full time school and we were going to wait for him to be done with that before having a baby. She was like you have to try. I gave in and bought a test while I was at work. I didn't even tell Nick I was going to take one. I was sure that I would see another negative sign. So I did the test and placed it on the flat surface, washed my hands and then turned around to look at the test. There is was, a plus. I have to admit that I freaked out a little bit. We had decided to wait and now here I was pregnant. The timing was all wrong. I did what any sane person would do, I called my husband and said that I had bought a test because I wanted to prove that I wasn't pregnant to my coworker. He was like "okay..." Then I told him "There's a plus..." I said "that means that I'm pregnant." I heard shock in his silence. We both knew that the timing with recent financial decisions wasn't ideal. But he said "I guess God had other plans." We then proceeded to tell family again and I brought my fresh positive pregnancy test up to my coworker and we laughed and shared a hug.
Shortly after that I made an appointment with a local Birthing Center, to fit the plan mentioned above. The staff was kind and thoughtful. They did HCG blood draws to see how far along I was and set me up for futures appointments. My first HCG blood levels were great. They drew a second set that came back on a Friday. The nurse CALLED me to tell me that they wanted another set drawn because the levels hadn't increased the way they wanted them to. She said not to worry, that sometimes babies make it even when levels don't increase, which officially freaked me out. She said that we would draw another that day (Friday) and would call me with results on Monday. That wasn't acceptable in my irrational pregnant mind. Here I was thinking I'm losing another baby and they want me to wait?! So I called another Birthing Center (Providence Midwives) in a panic asking to get in that day. The receptionist, bless her heart, calmly told me that they could get me in early the next week but that I could talk to a Midwife. I spilled my heart to the midwife about the prior loss and how scared I was. She told me that for how far along I was I had nothing to worry about and that she would never have even ordered the second HCG test because the first levels were so great and my pregnancy symptoms were getting stronger. She said "Congratulations, you are going to be a Mom. I'll see you next week." I felt relief. At the first visit with the new midwives they said things were looking great and that we would do an early ultrasound to make sure things were looking okay.
I was so nervous the day of the ultrasound. Our tech was kind of a jerk and didn't really talk to us, but the on call doctor came to read the unltrasound and said that everything was looking great! We saw our little baby and the pragnacy was real in that moment!
Nicks idea for a fun announcement! lol
I struggled with horrible nausea and vomiting until I was 30 weeks pregnant. Literally nothing stayed down. Even water came up. I finally asked for the Midwife to prescribe something to help. The Zofran lessened the nausea and I was able to eat. I had a lot of eggs on toast and lunchables. Oh and my big craving... Caramel and Chocolate. If it had those ingredients I was thrilled!
We found out the sex at 18 weeks 4 days. At first the baby didn't want to show us what it was. The tech thought it could be a girl but was not sure, but then the on call doctor to a look and told us that he would retire if the baby wasn't a girl since we never got a picture of her lady bits...then we also found out he was going to be retiring soon anyways...lol
Hey Baby Girl!
I promptly called my good friend Photographer and she did a gender reveal session for us.
At around 21 weeks I started getting Braxton Hicks regularly. The Midwives told me not to worry. After a particularly rough day of working in another department at work, they wouldn't stop. I called the Midwives and they said go to triage now. I went fearing the worst. I was brought right back and the nurse hooked me up and positioned me in just a way that they finally stopped. I was first threatened here that if I didn't slow down I would be put on bed rest. I was so scared. So at work I sat as much as possible and rested laying down in rooms during lunch. I would go home and rest more. Things stayed pretty calm from then on. I still had Braxton Hicks but only if I overdid it.
Monitoring Baby Girl...
At 30 weeks the nausea went away and I was in heaven! But by 31 weeks my legs were sausages. I set up Maternity Photos for 35 weeks and bought a skirt so my legs wouldn't be seen.
32 Weeks! Went to the beach, Sausage legs and all, and had Nick snap a couple of photos...
I'm camera shy...
Belly Selfie...
At 33 weeks I felt dizzy at work. It was a Wednesday. Funny how I can distinctly remember that. I had one of my coworkers take my Blood Pressure. It was 146/94. I was worried. My Blood Pressure had been approximately 118/86ish the entire pregnancy. I called the Midwife and she said to take it easy and come in tomorrow. I was diagnosed with Gestational Hypertension and admitted for observation for 24 hour urine testing. They were concerned about Preeclampsia. The 24 hour urine was negative. Thank God. I also got steroid shots for Ashlynns lungs. They told me that I was on bed rest from here on out. The hope was to get me to 36 or 37 weeks by keeping me on bed rest. My body had started to fail me. I was set up for a Doctors Appointment to meet my new doctor and Non Stress Testing and Ultrasounds for Baby Girl.
I was a good girl and stayed on the couch or in bed only getting up to go to the bathroom or get food since Nick had school.
I had Nick take this because I had a feeling I would not be getting Maternity Pictures...
On May 21st I went in for my Ultrasound and Non Stress Test. The Nurse was concerned about my Blood Pressure and the doctor wanted to admit me again. I said that I really felt great and that I had my first doctors appointment less then 24 hours away with the doctor that had delivered my niece just 6 weeks before. The doctor agreed to let me go home but said to get in bed and not leave it until the appointment.
We checked in to see my new doctor on May 22nd 2013. I gave my urine sample and the Medical Assistant brought me to the exam room. I told her I was excited to meet the doctor because she had delivered my niece. Well Doctor M walks in and says "Nice to meet you again, I have to admit you right now because your protein is levels are high. I'm so sorry but I'm on call so I'll be with you all night." At this point I'm admitted for another 24 hour urine test. She didn't sugar coat things for me. She let us know that I would be in the hospital until Ashlynn was born. They knew that I had Preeclampsia but if the levels were not that bad they would monitor me and try to keep Ashlynn in as long as they could.
The next morning Dr. M walks in and says "It's time to have a baby." at this point we are 5 weeks early. My blood pressure was through the roof and the Preeclampsia was bordering on life threatening at this point. They were worried about me having a stroke. I was switched rooms and started on Magnesium to prevent a possible stroke.
I had lost it all, The Birthing Center, The Midwife, the Birthing Pool and the chance at a Full Term healthy pregnancy. I was terrified. Our Pastor came in a Prayed over me and Ashlynn.
Here begins the lengthy process of inducing a woman who's body isn't ready to have a baby. Lets start with this IT WAS AWFUL. 24 hours of Cervadil followed by bulb to dilate my cervix and then they were finally able to start pitocin followed by breaking my water at 6cm. Here starts the back labor. Oh my, why the heck did I ever let them break my water?! Oh because it would help me progress. After over 6 hours excruciating hours of back labor and still being stuck at 6 cm I looked up at Nick and said "You wont say I knew you couldn't do it naturally will you?" He looked at me like I was an idiot...lol. He said "Of course not" and I replied with "Get me the EPIDURAL!!!" Once it was administered my body finally relaxed. At my next check I was 8cm. I had the epidural at just the right time. I rested and woke up after a brief nap in excruciating pain. Since I was asleep I had not pushed the button to give me a boot of epidural and it had worn off. The anesthesiologist came back in an gave me a boost. I told him I still wanted to feel it but not so bad. After the anesthesiologist left I looked up at Nick and proceeded to threw up in a bag that he was holding and asked for the Nurse. I asked her to check me and she was like "I just checked you an hour ago you wont be any farther." I told her "I'm feeling pushy and I just threw up." So she checks me and says that I'm 9cm with a cervical lip. She then calls the NICU staff and says get up here now. Then proceedes to call the Doctor and tells me that I can practice push. "Liar" my mind screams. Even in my drugged up state I thought "Why can I practice push if I'm not complete?!"
So the Doctor on Call comes in and says no Photography during pushing when he sees my Sister In-Law (Jenae) with my camera. I was devastated. The last thing that I wanted, gone. No Birth Photos until she's delivered. I've gotten over that now but in the moment I nearly cried. I told him that if possible I wanted her on my chest for some skin-to-skin kangaroo care. He said he would if at all possible but as I had been told earlier that Ashlynn might be delivered over loaded with Magnesium. This was helping me but could be too much for her. They tend to deliver pretty grey and "floppy" due to Magnesium being a muscle relaxant. Yes it's as scarey as it sounds. He promised that he would hold her up for me and get her in my arms before she went to the NICU.
I pushed for 53 minutes before I delivered our beautiful baby girl at 35 weeks gestation. She was 4lbs 5oz and very alert. Nick cut the cord and te doctor held her up so I could see her and gently reminded me that she needed to go right to the NICU team. Nick and Jenae followed her to the warmer waiting in the room while I was stitched up from a little tear. I remember sitting there with my hand reaching out to her. I could only see tiny glimpses of her though people. I was panicking. The doctor finished up and said I'll go check on her. I heard him ask that they bring her over to see me before they took her downstairs.
Nick touching Ashlynn for the first time...
Our pale little bundle was passed over to me by a hovering NICU nurse.
I had to wait 2 hours before I could go meet her and then I got 15 minutes with her because they were still concerned about me. I was only concerned about her though. Nick was going up and down between her and me like a crazy man. When I finally got to hold her I was terrified. I was shaking so hard that I thought I would drop her. The Nurse simply said "no you wont" and put her skin to skin on my chest. I was worried that she would get cold and the Nurse assured me that we would keep each other warm. The moment she touched my skin she stopped whimpering. She knew me and I knew her. I could feel little movements that she had made on the inside and they felt the same. This was our little Ashlynn Rose.
Ashlynn spent a total of 1 week in the NICU. She never needed oxygen because I had gotten the steroid shots for her lungs. Her tummy wasn't working for the first couple of days so they gave her an IV, but she caught on quick once I started producing milk and we supplemented formula too. She also struggled with jaundice two times during her stay and failed her hearing test, she had small ear canals and the sensors couldn't sit right. (We later had to go to Children's Hospital Seattle to have her retake the hearing test and she passed.) Everyday our wonderful NICU team told us the she was doing great and surpassing their expectations. Our Nurse even taught Nick how to change Ashlynns diaper when I couldn't be there to do so!
Everyday Nick, Ashlynn and I learn from each other and grow as a family. I am so thankful for the loving support we had from Family, Friends and our wonderful NICU Doctors and Nurses!
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